So you and your spouse have mentioned the big "S'" word to each other and are ready to take a first step. The "S" word I refer to is swinging for those of you who may have had a few margaritas before sitting down at the computer tonight. So what is that first step? Before taking that step, it is probably a good idea to establish some ground rules.
The first thing I would suggest for anyone venturing into this world is make all of these steps at first "baby" steps. It can be extremely exciting for both of you at the beginning and it is pretty easy to get caught up in the moment. It is important that both of you are on the same page, and by definition that page should not be any further up the play-book then either of you are ready for. The problem is there are many couples out there who have picture perfect relationships, no insecurities, and are dead set on becoming a swinger. Then the clothes come off and... This does not happen a whole lot, but it does happen. The best way to avoid this is to take things slow.
Talk, then talk, and then talk about it:
The best way to ensure you don't cross a boundary your spouse thought was in place, or flirt with that couple that they can't stand is by discussing all of these things long before they matter. It should be a given, but if you are considering entering the lifestyle, there is probably no subject too taboo for you to discuss with each other. Guys, if you are still hiding your porn collection from your wife in an old shoe box, you are probably not really talking at the comfort level you want to be at.
Have a healthy marriage that has been in that state for awhile:
This point could be argued, and might be considered optional. There are couples out there that are only dating, some that are not even dating but play together as a couple, and we have even seen one couple flip-flop partners permanently. There is nothing inherently wrong with couples that swing in this manner, but keep in mind that is how they came into the lifestyle and how they intend to stay. If you are a married couple with kids who want to stay together, it is a good idea to figure out any issues you have before entering the lifestyle. It is much harder to handle the repercussions those issues may bring once you have participated. I would venture to say very few marriages get fixed by swinging, not near the amount of bad marriages that get ruined by it. This point is not made to scare you away, as I think the lifestyle can truly bring a new intensity and greater joy to a happily married couple. I just think it is important to be realistic about this decision you are making.
We have covered some good ground rules, now what are my next steps. Obviously, there is no right or wrong answer, but this is how we did it.
We did a significant amount of research on the Internet before doing anything. To be honest we did this because we had no idea where to go or what to do. Now, I will tell you the Internet can be tough to find some legitimate sources of information on swinging. There are sources out there, unfortunately they are so outnumbered by porn sites that it can be somewhat like looking for a needle in a haystack. Eventually we were able to find a few and we will save you the time by listing some of them for you here.http://www.swingercast.com/
This site offers a podcast that is absolutely phenomenal for new swingers. They basically document their swinging lives through audio and then give you commentary and play by play. It goes from erotic to educational and back again. I listened to the first twenty or so of their podcasts on a long business trip one week, and learned a lot. You can find their podcast on Itunes as well.
Those are enough to get your research started, each one of them having links pages as well giving you plenty to keep you busy for awhile. Make sure you look through these together as much as possible, it will be fun, educational, and hopefully erotic at times.
We will stop here for now and pick this up with step two, Meeting Other Swingers, in the next post. Good luck and have fun doing your homework!
I think it should be mentioned as well, I have no financial interest in any of the sites above. We are truly recommending them because they were useful. In all honesty, as of this posting, none of these sites have even heard of us, much less link back to us. That being said, we are registered users of both of them
disclaimer- Mr. and Mrs. GentleNibbles are not Psychologists, Psychiatrists, or Clergy. There are also plenty of Lifestylers out there who have been doing this longer than us. These are just our uneducated, but well founded opinions and by no means represent a sure formula of success)