A Defense of the Lifestyle!

I have spent the better part of the last hour typing up a comment on the article , “When Swinger Sex Goes Totally Wrong” on the website AskDanandJennifer.com.  Dan and Jennifer articles are usually very pro-lifestyle.  This one on the other hand, written by a guest author, was completely negative. 

My frustration was at what I percieved as illogical and error filled generalizations being touted by a supposed “expert” in marital relationships.  Please take the time to read the article here,  below the article you should find my comments which I have reposted below. 

“When Swinger Sex Goes Totally Wrong“, as a title it is compelling and encouraged me to read on. There are plenty of times that ill prepared couples who are considering the lifestyle for all the wrong reasons run head on into devastating consequences. That is where I get completely lost in this article. From my perspective a better title would have been, “When Tragically Flawed Marriages Behave as Predicted.”

Every couple mentioned is pursuing their desires through incredibly flawed marital logic, and even Dr. Phil would have to agree with that!!!

“Mark pushed the boundaries even further. He wanted to experience having sex with two women at one time.”

This is not a relationship of two equal and in love people discovering a new passionate existence. Saying Swinging is at fault because a person was pushed into it, is no better than saying a Snickers bar is evil because a person allergic to peanuts has one forced down their throat. In both cases, a VICTIM was pushed into doing something that was unhealthy for them.

“Unfortunately, Mark did not feel that way when he found them together one night when he arrived home early from work. Mark felt betrayed and could never look at Linda the same way again.”

Cheating is Cheating is Cheating is Cheating!!! This has nothing to do with swinging and everything to do with choosing to circumvent a relationships core values of trust and security for one’s own personal temporary pleasure. The logic of blaming swinging for this carries no more merit than blaming perfume for infidelity. Both of these pleasure giving phenomenon’s may have planted a seed of lust and excitement, but the action of choosing to betray your spouse is a decision only made by you!!!

I am sorry Mrs. Brooke; you should really find some Swinger’s to talk to you instead of couples with hundreds of problems, one of them being sleeping with other people!

Unfortunately my disagreement does not end there. Some of the generalizations and advice I find absolutely in error!

“When you open the door and invite another person into the intimate connection with your partner you are inviting in trouble”

I certainly and whole heartedly agree it is not for everyone, but with the millions of swingers in this country with happy, long, and stable marriages this statement is a complete fallacy!

“What’s predictable about it is that someone will end up hurt. The “ground rules” will be broken and someone ends up feeling betrayed and hurt.”

Once again, see response above. How can this blanket statement be true? As a scientist by trade, I never trust a person using absolutes!!!

“Now, in theory, I will conjecture that there are couples secure enough with each other where they can have flings with other people and not do any perceivable damage to their relationship.”

The author’s use of the word “flings” here indicates a true lack of understanding in the lifestyle. Nearly all swingers I know and converse with are not in the lifestyle to merely have sex with other people, but are utilizing the liberation of the freedom of their sexuality to heighten the sex between them and their most intense desire, THEIR SPOUSE!!!

As with heavy wind and a weak and broken ship, swinging can be a devastating force. A relationship that has insecurities, insensitivities, or other flaws will only find them magnified by the intensity of the lifestyle. On the other hand, just as a well piloted and constructed sail boat can harness that same powerful wind to do amazing things, when a happy healthy couple approaches swinging for the right reasons…….HANG ON FOR THE RIDE!!!

Mr. Gentlenibbes

Let me just say that I absololutely love Askdanandjennifer.com and I think they are a great couple and wonderful resource for the swinger community.  The integrity they have is the what requires them to post articles on both sides of the swinging fence.  I was excited to see though, that even they could not publish the article without putting in some of their own disagreements with the commentary!

What are your thoughts?

~Mr. Gentlenibbles