New Swingers, Parking Lots, and Butterflies

It has often been said that for new swingers, the toughest part of the journey is getting themselves from the parking lot to the front door of a swingers club. There have been many a couple who made it to the parking lot of the club with every intention of starting their Lifestyle journey, only to eventually talk themselves out of it and drive home disappointed.

The reason this can be such a tough spot for new swingers is because this act is often the pinpoint for when a couple goes from “Vanilla” to “Swinger”. This situation is also often associated with doubts, confusion, and a healthy dose of fear of the unknown at what lays on the other side of that pretty “green” door. I would venture to guess for every ten Lifestyler’s in the world, there is at least one or two couples that never made it past the parking lot.

It really is a shame, because there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of at a legitimate Swing Club. Unless you have a fear for sexy people dressed very sexy then you should find the environment of the inside of a swing club extremely safe, inviting, and most of all intoxicating.

All of the people inside of the club are going to be just like you, they are going to be doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers, mechanics, musicians, engineers, human resource managers, IT administrators, salespeople, scientist, retail associates, entrepreneurs, and yes even a few Sunday school teachers and clergy scattered around. Mrs. “G” and I have met couples in nearly each one of these professions and I had to throw scientists in there to represent us pocket protector studs and studesses in the world!

The point is Swingers are not a bunch of freaks! They are people just like you who found their way to a Swing club being just as nervous and worried as you are. They researched websites like this one, talked about it with each other over and over just like you, finally got the courage up to make it from the car to the door, and have no regrets!!!

So, assuming you have read all of the New Swinger Guides and are ready to move forward by enjoying an exhilarating night at a swing club, let’s discuss some things you can do to make those few steps a little easier.

1.) Don’t rush - Wait until you are both ready for this step!
One of the most common reasons couples change their mind when they get to the parking lot is because they simply were not ready. Both spouses in a marriage should look at swinging similar to the way they view a three legged race, in that you are only as fast as the slowest partner. I would love to use the analogy that there is no “I” in swinging, but unfortunately the alphabetical gods did not allow that to happen. The point is no matter how excited and prepared one of you is for the experience, it will be a total failure if the other is not equally as ready.

So many men, after finding their partner is open to the idea of the Lifestyle, utterly ruin any chance of pursuing it by forcing things to move to quickly. Slow down, talk, buy a few bottles of wine, talk, surf Gentle Nibbles and some other websites together, talk, and then when both partners are at that “Holy Crap, I can’t stand it any longer - bring on the boobies, butts, and beaus” head out to the swing club for a night you both will be very happy with!

2.) Do plenty of research on the club you are attending.
Once you have decided on the Swing Club you are going to, research the absolute crap out of it! Try to find out everything you can about it. This can be done by taking time to go through every nook and cranny of their website, look for reviews or other discussions about the club, ask other swingers opinions on your swinger community website or forums such as Swingersboard.com, and maybe even calling the club or stopping by a few hours before they open one night to speak to the people who know the club the best!

This can actually be a fun and erotic time as a couple. Make a game of it as though you are detectives on a case constantly updating the other with any new information you find! You could even hang out in the parking lot one night watching the sexy couples walk in as you sexually tease one another and look forward to your upcoming Swing Club debut! By the time you actually visit the club there will be very few things you don’t know or have not considered already.

3.) Don’t plan on any sexual action the first night
Often the biggest fears regarding the first night at a club involve worries about what kind of sexual situations you may find yourself in. The solution to this one is easy and obvious! Make plans ahead of time not to get involved in any play situations with another couple and stick to those plans.

Swing Clubs, even the on-premise variety, are not the dens of uncontrolled lust most people think they are. Everyone who is playing with each other has consented to that play before it starts. No one is going to surprise you with a fellatio attack, or a missionary sex offensive. Couples may approach you, flirt, and even ask if you would like to play, but they will not go further without your OK. Take these actions as compliments, and if you are attracted to them get their information and let them know you would like a sexy little rain check to their offer.

The most contact you will receive at a club that is beyond your control is maybe some light touching of non-erogenous areas such as a leg, back, neck, or ear. These “touches” would be similar to what you may run into as a single person at a night club, where they would be innocent and exchanged during conversation and flirtations. If this type of contact seems a little more than you are ready for, please see step number one of this article!

So now that you don’t have to worry about sexual activity your first night in the Lifestyle, you can focus on just exploring, enjoying, and evaluating what swinging is all about.

4.) Remember what the eloquent poet once said, “Tequila makes her clothes come off”
If you are a person who is not against the occasional ingestion of a few distilled spirits from time to time, go to dinner before your first visit to the Swingers Club and have a few cocktails while you are there. Alcohol does a fantastic job of helping us to release our inhibitions for a little while, and a couple of drinks will help to take the edge off of your worries about the evening!

Notice that I said a couple. This is because it is very important for you to be sober for this occasion as this first visit is more of a learning experience than a purely entertainment endeavor. If you show up to the club wasted, chances are you are not going to stick to your plan you made above, you possibly are going to do some things you regret, and you will most likely be no less nervous on your next trip because you won’t remember your first.

Here is a little tip. When you have drank enough that you would consider flirting with that cute guy/girl at the other table but probably would not go through with it, then you are ready for the swingers club!

5.) Picture them all naked!
It works for public speakers, so who knows maybe it will help here. Of course you may find you need much less imagination than was needed at that awards ceremony you spoke at last summer!

I truly hope this helps, if as a new swinger you are struggling with the fear of your first visit to the club. Make sure and leave us a comment below if this article helps you, and if you are a swinger already, tell us about your first visit to a club. If we get enough comments below, Mrs. Gentlenibbles and I may just tell you our story!

In the mean time - swing, drink, and be merry….oh and can you ladies unbutton just one more button for me!

~Mr. Gentlenibbles