Swinger Says What? - Condoms are Sexy

Today’s post is the the first and debut post of our ”Swinger Says What” series that we introduced in an earlier post. The question below is from MB, one of our favorite and regular readers. Here is his question.

Hey Nibblers,

First I want to say I love your blog, keep up the GREAT work, and I
really like the idea of having your readers ask you guys question. With
that in mind I submit the following inquisition:

In regards to safer-sex what are some of the common practices amongst
swingers. We hear about full-swap couples using condoms for vaginal
intercourse but rarely do we hear about dental dams or condoms being
used during oral sex. Is this a common practice? Have you ever witnessed
it? Is it a practice that many swingers look down on? Is the use of
these barriers different based on setting? (ie House party, Club,
Lifestyles Resort)

Are there other Safer Sex practices used in the Swinging Lifestyle? How
does one know if their playmates are safe?

Thanks for your help and keep up the great work.

~MBnVT
Wildcardz

What an absolutely great question that we should have addressed on this blog well before post 109 or whatever number we are up to now.

Let us begin by saying this,

“All Swingers should practice safe sex! Please put your safety, the safety of your spouse, and the health of your family at a priority level far above temporary pleasure!!!”

It is no secret, as every boy and girl found out at the age of sexual maturation, sex without a condom feels better than sex with a condom.  The small amount of extra sensitivity is just not worth the risk of contracting an uncomfortable or worse life threatening STD.

As a new couple entering the Lifestyle, this was one of our biggest fears. Our thought process was; All of these people having sex meant STD’s must be common. Fortunately, we have found this to not be true. To be honest, compared to the rest of the non-monogamous population, we would guess swingers have a far smaller incident rate of STD’s.  Why? In our opinion, love plays a role.  When a single person chooses to have sex with another person, often they don’t know the other person as well and many times it is somewhat of a completely self gratifying act. The temptation to improve the experience by passing on protection only puts that person and a stranger at risk.

In swinging scenarios, the sex is an experience one couple is sharing with another. The sexual act is as much an act of pleasing one’s spouse as it is one’s self. There is also recognition of consequences beyond the encounter as the swinger is not only protecting their own health, but the health of the love of their life as well. Further incentives for protection lie in the fact that the majority of swingers have children at home that depend on their health and financial security. This all serves to increase the rigor of safe sex practices in the swinging community.

As a general rule, having sex without a condom is generally looked down upon in the Lifestyle. Nearly every profile on whatever Swinger community website you use has a statement similar to, “We are disease free and plan to stay that way, Condoms are a must!” I know many couples including ourselves, who may be a little wary of playing with a couple that we knew to actively play without protection. Keeping the above in mind, there definitely seems to be acceptance of oral play without protection.

We also know of some couples that may have an agreement with another couple that condomless sex may be acceptable with only each other. Keep in mind, agreements like these are only as strong as the weakest willpower in the group. As soon as one of the four chooses to put themselves in danger, all involved are put at risk. If you do have a relationship like this with a favorite couple make sure you know and trust them very well, and that it does not turn out they have a few hundred “favorite couples!”

As mentioned above, the one exception we see to this rule is oral sex. Outside of the swinger community this is hardly ever practiced, and as above, the use of protection is probably more common within the Lifestyle than in the rest of the non-monogamous community. But that being said, it is not done commonly at all. We do occasionally see couples who use or require condoms for fellatio, but to this day we have never even seen a dental dam used or requested. I would venture to guess many readers may have never even heard of dental dams until entering the Lifestyle. If you are curious you can check them out here (scroll to bottom of page).

We would not be bothered at all by a couple requesting the use of a dental dam, and to be honest we would be impressed at their diligence. Writing this article, I am actually a little embarrassed by the fact we have never used them. One thing to keep in mind is the style of swinging down here in Texas, due to the absence of large on premise clubs force swingers to have a little more of a relationship then can be achieved at large clubs where play may be with complete and total strangers. I would imagine in those scenarios dental dams and condoms for fellatio are probably more common, but still in the minority.

“Is it a practice that many swingers look down on?”

Unfortunately, I would imagine you will find some couples that will push back when asked to use dental dams or condoms for oral sex. For that matter, you may even find a few couples that will complain about using condoms for sex.

The good news is, THIS IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM!!! You and your spouse’s safety is your only concern. Any couple that ever challenges one of your rules whether it be no condoms, full swap or soft swap limits, or even “no armpit licking” for that matter should be dropped from the word go!!! (The armpit licking is a joke of course- although there is probably an armpit fetishist out there somewhere!)

The number one feature you want in a couple you are swinging with is respect! If you are ever pushed to do something you don’t want, pull your panties up and walk! There are so many fish in the swinging sea, why waste time with anyone who detracts from the experience!

“Are there other Safer Sex practices used in the Swinging Lifestyle? How
does one know if their playmates are safe?”

Yes, and it is very important!  Make a habit of getting regularly tested for STD’s.  Yes, this may be a bit of an embarrassing conversation with your long time physician who came to your wedding.  But is it more embarrassing than hemorrhoids, toe fungus, or any other ego challenging ailment he/she may have helped you through?  If it is, find another doctor or clinic in your area to do this testing for you.  Most STD’s are treated relatively simply and can be dealt with.  Doing your best impersonation of an ostrich and sticking your head in the sand is not only going to hurt you, but it will also put your family, your swinging partners, and the rest of the Lifestyle in unnecessary danger.

We even know of one single female friend of ours who requires proof of this testing before she is willing to play with someone!  If you choose the “favorite couple” for condomless sex scenario we discussed above, this would be a great idea. 

One important thing to keep in mind about testing is, it does nothing to keep you from getting exposed!  That is what condoms are for and why we think condoms are sexy!

MB, we hope we answered your questions adequately.  We are going to follow up this post with a more detailed post on STD’s and safe sex practices in the future.

If anyone else has a question about swinging or the Lifestyle, send us an email to thenibblers@gentlenibbles.com and you may just find your question featured and answered on our next “Swinger Says What” post.

Go out, be safe, get laid, and prosper!
~Mr. Gentlenibbles

Let us know your level of safe sex practices. Vote in the poll below to see how your fellow readers voted!

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