What if I Can’t Get an Erection? – Swinger Says What?

If I was to open my Encyclopedia Britannica and open it to the swinger’s section, I would find that one of the most asked questions by new swingers goes something like this,

“What do I do if I have trouble getting a hard on?  Is this common? What kind of reaction should I expect?”

We get emails regarding this topic quite regularly, so for today’s Swinger Say’s What? segment we are going to openly discuss this somewhat disconcerting subject.

Let me begin by taking my bull horn out from under the desk, inhaling a deep breath, and then yelling into it,

“Men of the swinging world.  You are not alone!  Since the dawn of Swinging in the infancy of the Lifestyle, men new to the situation of swapping have sometimes found it difficult to obtain an erection when trying to copulate with someone other than his spouse”

What is humorous about this topic is that I have rarely met a male counterpart in the Lifestyle that has admitted they have ever had trouble with this phenomenon, yet nearly every woman I have met has stated that they have had multiple partners with this problem.  Mrs. Gentlenibbles has had a slew of gentlemen, from rookies to experienced, that have had some form of trouble when it came to playtime.

I am being brave and admitting right here and now that I have had various levels of trouble getting the soldier to stand at attention on a few occasions.

During Mrs. Gentlenibbles and I first ever swinging experience I went into shock, as for the first time in my life I had trouble getting an erection and struggled to maintain it.  It was a situation I had never experienced and was horrified.  Fortunately, my extremely sexy and patient partner made no big deal of it as I used every other technique I knew to please her.  When to my surprise, when I quit trying to get hard and started focusing on her, I obtained an erection and held it to orgasm!  On the way home Mrs. G told me that the husband of the other “newbie” couple had struggled as well and never was able to get an erection.

On another occasion we were playing with a very sexy couple who we had been admiring for some time.  The problem was our transition to play was somewhat awkward and abrupt.  Adding to the trouble, was that my partner seemed somewhat disinterested in the activity and offered no reciprocation.  We were at a house party, and at one point she was having an involved very vanilla conversation with another female at the party while I was eating her out.  It made the whole thing seem more like work than fun.  Mrs. G recognizing my predicament and the awkwardness of the situation maneuvered over next to me, lended her mouth for a few moments and the problem was solved. 

The most recent occurrence of little Mr. G failing to rise to the occasion was completely my fault.  Mrs. Gentlenibbles and I are social drinkers, drinking only a couple of times a month.  We had met a couple for dinner at a new Mexican food restaurant before heading over to a house party.  I had been craving a good margarita for awhile and decided to have a few with dinner.  By the time we left the restaurant I was completely inebriated.  Mrs. G, against her better judgement decided not to take me home as she drove us on to the house party.  By the time we got to the party, I was at least acting somewhat coherent and was beginning to sober up a little bit.

At the party we began talking to this couple that we knew and had absolutely admired for awhile!  Next thing I knew we are heading off to a room to play.  The incredibly sexy female half of this couple is beautiful beyond belief and I remember being so excited at the chance to play with her!  The four of us started kissing, rubbing, bumping, and rocking as the play kicked off.  The moment we started all of this physical activity I began to feel the room spin.  I focused all my attention on my sexy friend, as I put one foot on the ground next to the bed trying to reclaim my equilibrium.  At that point, I realized an erection was a lost cause, and just tried to enjoy this woman and hang on to the memories for use in a fantasy somewhere down the road!  We have become friends with this couple and I am “praying” for a second chance sometime!

Why would I tell you about these embarrassing moments in our swinging adventure?  Because as a new swinger you need to realize this might very well happen and furthermore realize it is OK if it does!  I survived all of those experiences unharmed, and we are actually friends to this day with all the couples in the stories above.  We have played with them again since then and look forward to future experiences with them.

So back to the question:

“What do I do if I have trouble getting a hard on?  Is this common? What kind of reaction should I expect?”

The main thing you should do when struggling to get an erection is the hardest thing to do!  Quit trying to get an erection!  For your entire life you have been fighting to keep erections from happening at inappropriate times.  They have always just shown up at the first glimpse, thought, sound, touch, or smell of sex.  In swinging situations all of the sudden the order of operations is reversed, as many times you find yourself in sexual situations prior to the foreplay you are usually trying to rush through!  Focus on the beautiful woman in front of you, explore her body, enjoy yourself, and often your penis will follow your lead!

If all efforts fail, don’t quit just use other techniques to please the female and make it all about her.  Mrs. Gentlenibbles and I did not have sex until we were married, but as high school sweethearts I can assure you she had no shortage of orgasms before our wedding day!  Make it all about her, and you both win!  Remember, if you do a good job, you most likely will get a second chance for the “full monty” someday!

As previously expounded, yes it is very common no matter what you hear from your buddies!  It really does happen to everybody eventually!

The reactions of partners to this problem will definitely vary.  I can tell you this, any woman who has a completely negative reaction is probably not that good of a partner anyway.  Assure your partner it has nothing to do with her, and let her know you will enjoy pleasing her in other ways.  Make sure you and your spouse stay focused on each other during play so that if trouble does arise help is available.

I hope this helps alleviate some of the tension new couples sometimes face when entering their first play situation.  Next week we are going to be posting a follow up to this article discussing ways of bringing life to an uncooperative penis!

Take care,
~Mr. Gentlenibbles

If you are reading this and have a question you would like to ask Mrs. G or myself about the Lifestyle, send us an email to thenibblers@gentlenibbles.com.