Standing Tall – Battling an Uncooperative Penis

Last week we discussed the phenomenon many new male swingers face when first entering the lifestyle of obtaining and maintaining an erection during play. 

If you did not get a chance to read that post, click here to quickly read it before going on with today’s article.  The main discussion of that post was that even though most men do not admit to struggling with “performance anxiety”, it is a relatively common occurence especially among new swinger couples.

Fortunately, it is almost always a temporary problem often disappearing after couples gain a little more experience and becomes more comfortable in play situations.  This however does not make the experience any less troubling for the man involved, thus today we are going to discuss some things you can do to help make your soldier stand at attention when he is most needed!

Quit Trying
The first and most important thing you must do in this situation is quit trying so hard!  I realize how much easier said then done this request is, but it really is the most reliable way to get over the problem.  A man’s sexual drive is completely innate existing as an automatic reaction to any stimuli he finds exciting.  The erection is an involuntary response of that reaction.  If you are focusing on whether or not you have a erection, you are not focusing on the stimuli that triggers it, thus only making it more dificult to obtain an erection.  The best way to get your mind off of it, is to slow down and just enjoy yourself. 

Wife Know’s Best
….and God said, “Let there be Wife!”  There is not another soul in this World who knows your penis’ likes and dislikes better than your wife.  She has been kissing, rubbing, and playing with your little friend for quite some time and she can be your secret weapon in these situations.  Both of you should always be aware of each other during play time.  Wives, if you see you husband struggling there is nothing wrong with moving over closer to them and offering a helpful hand, breast, or mouth.  I can tell you that my wife, in fourteen years, has never started anything with me that did not end up in an orgasm!!!  Most men, not struggling with Erectile Dysfunction can say the same thing!

The Little Blue Pill
The use of Vigra, Cialis, and many nutraceutical male sexual enhancement products are quite prevalent in the Lifestyle, and I have yet to meet anyone who looks down upon their usage.  We do not recommend taking any drugs that are not prescribed by your doctor, but if you can get a prescription for something it can be very helpful.  Most of the over the counter products work to varying levels of degree and can many times do enough to help with the stage fright new swingers sometimes experience.  These medicines do tend to increase the blood flow to your genitals thus increasing your ability to obtain an erection and for that erection to be firm , but since this issue is usually psychologically related in some cases medicines will not help.

Foreplay
In the words of Ghandi, “Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay!”  Okay, so maybe Ghandi never said that, but that does not make it any less helpful.  For some reason many couples when first experimenting with Swinging, forget about how fun sex is supposed to be and go straight to stabbing sticks in holes.  To be quite honest, the sexual exploration of another person’s body is almost as erotic as the sex. 

Slowly explore this new persons body, observing, carressing, and kissing all that is being offerred.  While fingering her, take notice of the different textures and surfaces in her vagina.  During cunninglingus focus on the tastes and textures that your tongue experiences.  Focus all your attention on every little detail of bringing pleasure to this person and not on your erection.  Do all of this while making as much body to body contact as you can.  This will greatly increase the sexual stimuli you are experiencing while also taking the lack of an erection off your mind.

There is Nothing Wrong with 10 PM
If there is one thing that has the most detrimental effect on all areas of play, it would have to be exhaustion.  One odd practice that seems to be somewhat universal in the swinging world is the fact most playtime seems to happen late in the evening.  Mrs. Gentlenibbles and I have noticed that the instensity of our playtime unfortuantley corelates inversely with what time we start.  The later we play, usually the shorter and less intense the session is.   If you have been struggling with erection issues, try to set up an afternoon or early play session and do what you can to be well rested before you begin.

Icebreakers
Often in swinging situations  couples may find themselves in play situations with couples they are still in the process of getting to know.  Often it can be initimidating as a male to rush into sexual activity for fear of upsetting the female or pushing them into situations they are not comfortable with.  I know it sounds absurd since the female is a swinger and active participant in the play, but many men are crossing boundaries they have been trained to uphold since birth.  This can cause some anxiousness and hesitation which can really get in the way of an erection.

One of the best ways around this is to try and become more comfortable with your partner before play starts.  Hot tubs, swimming pools, sexy games, and other ice breakers can go a long way to help establish a larger comfort zone before getting down to the nitty gritty!

At the end of the day, if done right, swinging is about the sexuality more than the sex.  Quit focusing on the sex and just enjoy all of the raw sexual energy that makes up the Lifestyle.  Make every play situation be wholly about pleasing your spouse and the partner you are with and eventually everything else will take care of itself.

~Mr. Gentlenibbles