How Could We Forget How?

When it comes to swingers, How? is a question that can be perceived in at least 3 ways.  “How do I convince my partner to try swinging?” or “How do we get the play started?” or “How is she able to put her feet there while were hands are over here and her mouth is doing that?”

The first is the question we’re going to focus on.  The second is a question that most swingbloggers or swingcasters have tackled at least once so for the time being you’ll have to check them out to answer that question.  As for the third all we can say is “We don’t know how or why but it’s a lot of fun to watch….

What was the question again? Oh Yeah!  “How do I convince my partner to try swinging?” For starters we should mention that we aren’t fans of this line of thinking (but it could just be the wording)  If you have to convince, con, dupe, sweet-talk, or even persuade your partner then you’re probably doing this for the wrong reasons.

However for the sake of staying on topic, (too late) we’re going to assume that at it’s heart this question is really “How do I initiate the conversation about swinging with my partner?”  There is no easy answer to this.  The best we can do is offer you some suggestions that have worked for people we know.

1) The Direct Method.  Just say it!  Start it off as coy as you like “I’m not sure how you’re going take this but…” or “I’ve got this crazy idea…”  This way is up front, to the point, and shows you are serious about the idea.

2) The indirect method.  Tell them about this “cool website” or “sexy blog” you found, (May we suggest GentleNibbles.com) or “hot podcast” you heard.  This puts the idea out there and it doesn’t immediately cause your partner to think about themself in that situation.  And if the conversation goes badly you can play it off as something you just stumbled upon and weren’t genuinely interested in..

3) The fantasy method.  Talk and openly fantasize during foreplay or while having sex.  While going down on your partner have them imagine it’s someone else or while using toys mention to your partner that it’s another man’s cock or woman’s pussy.  Again it’s indirect but if they are completely turned off by the idea then they may not be into swinging.  The benefit to this method is that your partner is already enjoying him or herself so they will mentally link that joy to the fantasy you are describing.

Once the topic is breached one of the first things we think you should do is explain your reasoning for getting into the lifestyle.  What benefits do you think it will have on your relationship and why, how would you like to explore the lifestyle and why, as well as many of the other questions we wrote about in our first article.

First and foremost if your partner isn’t comfortable with the conversation and you keep pushing they are going to shoot down the idea and maybe even take a defensive position.  So pick a time when you are alone and can both talk openly without fear of someone overhearing.  We would also like to suggest picking a time when you can have a lengthy conversation but that has a time limit.  We like to use a long car ride.  You’re alone, you can talk openly, there isn’t much else to do (but please pay attention to the road), And when you reach your destination the conversation is over and you are both left to think about the topic until you are able to talk again.  This way if it goes badly there is a distraction when you arrive and if it goes well you can both have time to think and bring your ideas to the next round.

We really hope this helps put you at ease on how to talk to your partner about swinging.  But PLEASE don’t force them to do ANYTHING they are not comfortable doing.  You can ask and explain your position on the subject but if they say “No.” that’s the end of it.  Maybe you can bring the topic up again later but for now the conversation is over.

The Wildcardz