Swinger Etiquette – Swinger Says What?

Today’s post is a great one dealing with one of the number one concerns and struggles new swingers face when first dipping their toes in the Lifestyle waters.  A couple new to swinging wrote us with the following question regarding how to dish up a polite rejection.

My wife and are are definitely newbies with some soft swap experience only. We have joined CT and have been getting a tremendous response. What is the proper e-mail etiquette for responding back to people without being rude?

Do we just ignore the e-mails and invitations, send a brief response (that would take a long time with the amount we get) or what? We are also going to our first meet/greet and not sure how to respond to those couples who don’t “mesh” with us.

We are friendly and outgoing and more afraid of hurting others feelings than anything else.  Thanks for the website…we have loved the info so far.

C and K

Let me begin with first of all stating the fact we know why you guys are getting lots of email.  We were able to find you guys on CouplesTouch, as your email included your screen name, and……

You people are HOT!!!

Now that we have that little bit of business out of the way.  Lets get on to your question.  We personally feel the absolute, largest, most common, greatest, biggest, humongousest, craptastic…est mistake that new swingers make is getting themselves into situations they are uncomfortable with because they are afraid of being rude or hurting someones feelings.

I want every couple reading this right now to grab your partners hand and look them in the face, and then each of you put your free hand over your own heart….  Go ahead we will wait!

Now say to each other, “I love you too much to ever let you sleep with or be touched by anyone you are uncomfortable being with, no matter the situation!!!”  Now, keep that promise to each other.

So now that we have made that clear, let’s help you keep that promise by learning the art of rejection.

First,  you need to realize that every swinging couple will be rejected and will choose to reject a couple at some point in their swinging career.  It happens all the time!  There is no need to feel guilty if you are the rejector and depressed if you are the rejectee. 

You have a couple of options on how to reject a couple that emails you on your swinger site like CouplesTouch or SDC.  Many couples just simply ignore the email and delete it.  If we write you an email, don’t receive a response, and then see you have deleted it we are pretty good at realizing that the chances of us playing naked twister are highly unlikely and we will move on.

Some couples are a little harder at getting the hint and may email you again.  Usually, if this happens it is a good idea to type up a polite no thank you.  If not, you may find yourself having to reject them face to face at the next meet and greet.  If you just hate coming up with an original polite rejection every time, cheat!  Type up a generic one and save it somewhere, then just copy and paste it into your reply.  OK, so it is not the nicest thing in the World, but it is better than ignoring couples that may not take the hint.

Rejecting couples face to face is much more difficult, but does not happen near as often as you may think. 

Mrs. Gentlenibbles and I were so silly when we first started in the Lifestyle.  When we would go out to clubs or meet and greets we would panic anytime somebody started talking to us, as though we had to decide right then and there whether we wanted to play with them.  It did not take us long to realize that, as cute as we think we are, not everyone who talks to us, flirts with us, or dances with us is necessarily wanting to sleep with us. 

One of the funnest parts of the Lifestyle is the wide open attitude at the parties, with tons of flirting and erotic exchanges everywhere.  We were so focused on the perceived intentions of our behavior that we inhibited our flirting and conversation, and thus our enjoyment.  So don’t let yourself get too caught up in worrying about who you are hanging out with at your meet and greet. 

Now, that being said, if there is a couple you are hanging out with that you are completely uninterested in and they begin to make advances or increase the flirting level beyond what you are comfortable with, it is much easier to say something earlier rather than later.  A polite “no thanks” or “hey we will talk to you guys later” (then walk off) will usually get the job done.  Most couples in the Lifestyle are normal couples just like you with a healthy fear of rejecting or being rejected, thus they take context clues pretty good and will move on.

Occasionally, as much as we hate to admit it, you will have a couple who just doesn’t have the same social skills as others and will not take your polite rejection.  If they are still pushing things and you are not interested you may have to spell it out, “Hey guys you seem great, but we are not interested in you!”

Keep in mind there are plenty of ruder ways to handle the situation above, and if the couple is being that pushy it may be justified.  Just make sure you put you and your spouse first and do whatever you are comfortable with.

Just like most things in the Lifestyle, rejecting a couple becomes easier with some time and practice.  Keep us in the loop on how your meet and greet goes, and if you happen to see us there come up, say “hi”, and give us a squeeze on the butt cheek…

The Secretary to the Mayor of Swingtown’s Assistant!
Mr. Gentlenibbles