Ode to Differences – A Swingers Call to Unity

(Warning – Extremely facetious writing ahead)

The World is a big and beautiful place and it is full of all types of people who believe and practice all types of things.  This article is a very special article calling for swingers all across the country to take a moment, join hands, and decide this world is big enough for all of us.  

 Compassion is paramount, even if the lifestyle of which we speak is the immoral Vanilla Lifestyle!  Yes, even if some people practice a lifestyle so shocking, inordinate, and obviously against nature’s plan, we should rise above our own opinions of such backwards behavior and accept these beautiful yet misguided people as our brothers and sisters on this planet. 

Let’s share our grocery stores, corner markets, and dare I say even our adult novelty stores, though we know their unenlightened minds will be unable to properly cope with what they may find.

If we all could just empathize and walk in their shoes, we would be able to see the dreary, mundane, and jealous filled lives these poor souls perpetuate.  Our hearts would ache for them as we observed how diligently they fought to suppress and hide all the natural thoughts and desires that filled their minds.   Our eyes would weep upon witnessing a couple in the Vanilla Lifestyle helplessly try to honestly communicate in the presence of another beautiful woman or attractive man.  

My brothers in the true, right, and pure Swinger Lifestyle feel for these brethren as they are still hiding their pornography magazines in a shoebox in their garage.  They also are still compelled to remind their wife how all the women they work with are ugly and must constantly clear the Internet browsing history to ensure their secrets are safe.  Yes, my brothers these men balance their manhood upon this thin red line upon a daily basis.

Sisters, oh sisters!  Feel for your sorority of womankind walking this curse on a daily basis.  Constantly suppressing sexual desires to the point it becomes routine or work.  Cursed be the situations that force these beautiful sisters of ours to relegate their sex life to the Thursday or Friday night special.  To hide the fact they masturbate and enjoy it from the World and most of all their beloved wretched husbands.

Yes my friends, sometimes we need to look beyond all that we have and have been given and remember those poor less fortunate souls that do so little with so much!  After all, if you prick a vanilla does he/she not bleed?  If you tickle them, do they not laugh?  

Tonight my friends let’s remember these poor troubled souls, raise a bottle of lube, and make a toast!  Here is to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  Even if your happiness happens to be a mean game of Uno and a rerun of ”Deal or No Deal” on a Saturday night.

Obviously the above was all in fun, though not completely off the mark in our opinion!   It was inspired by a great new website developed by the group that runs the Kasidie swinger magazine.  The website vanillalifestyle.com is truly hilarious and definitely worth a look!  Check it out and let us know what you think.

When in doubt, you can always remember this WWHD! – What Would Hefner Do?
Mr. and Mrs Gentlenibbles