From Fantasy to Sextastic Swinger Reality – Swinger Says What?

One of the most common questions we receive in our Ask a Swinger mailbox is “How do I convince my wife to swing” or some query very similar.  As a matter of fact, we have received three letters on that specific topic just in the last couple of weeks.  On the surface if that question is all that you hear, it may come off as some shallow attempt by a man to seek some help in dragging his wife kicking and screaming into his sexual fantasies. 

In reality though, (Great job guys) most of the emails we receive from guys on this topic are happily married and have a spouse who has openly fantasized about trying swinging but has trouble coping with this fantasy with the lights on and the wine bottles empty.

So let us begin by saying that we  are extremely against anyone being talked into swinging, but we are absolutely for helping anyone who is considering it getting the courage up to try the Lifestyle.  So in that spirit, we would like you to read a letter we received from one of our readers and our response.

Dear Nibblers,

My wife has expressed a sexual fantasy of hers of being with 2 men. She expresses it more openly when she’s had a glass of wine or when we’re watching porn – for example the other night she said, “now that’s every woman’s fantasy…” – while watching a dp.

To be frank I am keen on the idea too as she is extremely beautiful and sexy. I somewhat kiddingly [though seriously] have offered to screen a few men for her to enoy. I have even suggested 3 men … and she backs off and says she’s just kidding.

I know this is a real fantasy of hers because she loves the film Eyes Wide Shut and says she would like to be the central woman who everyone desires and has. We even bought a feathered mask on a trip to Venice.

Have any thoughts?

Thanks,
MXXXX

As you can see MXXXX does not come across whatsoever as a man in any way trying to coerce his beautiful wife into doing anything she does not want to do.  At the same time he is really excited at getting some suggestions on what he may do to help her explore her fantasy further should she choose to do so.  So here is our response.

MXXXX,

This is a great question that is actually very very very common.  I can tell you Mrs. Gentlenibbles was at one point in her life the most conservative girl I had ever met.  While she would occasionally joke about sexual things, in bed I could barely get her to agree to take off her shirt.  So what changed…

As we grew older and began to get out from under the influence of our parents and very conservative upbringings we begin to make friends who held a little more liberal views than us.

Lucky for us, our best friends turned out to be nymphomaniacs that like to party naked.  Mrs. Gentlenibbles loved this couple to death and knew they were great people.  As she began to see these “good, nice, healthy, people” flaunt and enjoy their sexuality it was a eye opening experience for her.

She began for the first time in her life to view sexuality as a good and fun enjoyment, versus as an evil, dirty deed.  Next thing I know we are hot tubbing regularly with a pool full of naked hotties, starting a swinger website, and going to places like Swingfest!

So what is our point…

Well, though your wife (since she is watching porn) is most likely much more sexually advanced than where we started.  For some reason she may be feeling guilt or shame for having this desire.  Therefore when the alcohol is gone…. so is the fantasy.

Our thoughts are this…

First, talk very openly and honestly to her about your desires and fantasies as well.  Although do it without putting any pressure on her!!!  You want her to do this for herself and her own fantasies.  But hearing it from you, will help her know that she is not the only one.

Secondly, what if you plan a night to make her the center of attention without any sex.  What if you were able to get a friend or two to join you two in a non full-swap sexual capacity, but could caress, kiss, and rub on your wife while you joined in as well.  Penetration is a huge thing for a woman, maybe she would be much more relaxed if she was able to have an
erotic massage from three men at the same time.  This may allow her to become more comfortable with having more people around, as well as let her know whether this threesome or foursome is something she really wants to go through with.

Third, consider getting more active in your local swing community.  Not to have sex.  As a matter of fact, promise each other that is not the reason.  Just enjoy partying with and getting to know people with much more liberal sexual boundaries than yourself.  Most likely as a couple you are going to meet many sexy female teachers, business women, housewives, etc.. that share your wife’s fantasy and are perfectly healthy and wonderful women.

Then after some time, both of you may have a much better idea what you want and what you don’t want with much less confusion about what society, the church, or Mom and Dad, may have told you.

We wish you guys all the luck, and please keep us informed!!!

If you are OK with it, we would like to use your letter for an upcoming “swinger says what” article.

Take care,
Mr. and Mrs. Gentlenibbles

What are your thoughts and opinions on this?  Is it OK for a husband to encourage his wife to further her fantasy?  Do we not all do this on different levels throughout our entire marriage?  How many husbands spent years convincing their wife to give them a blowjob or try anal sex?  Is this any different?

For those couples who have tried swinging.  How did you as a couple first broach and explore the topic?  Which one of you first brought up swinging?  Furthermore, if you were the one who brought it up, how did you bring it up and what did you do to make your spouse more comfortable with it? 

Please leave a comment below or send us a response here.  We would love to do a follow up to this post with some of your thoughts and opinions.  Also look for an upcoming article with some more organized ideas on how to “convince your spouse to try swinging”  Although I hate using the word convince there, as it sounds a little shady for what we are referring to!

Until then we wish you many dirty thoughts, sexy partners, and sturdy condoms!
~Mr. and Mrs. Gentlenibbles