Swinger Says What – Men Need Advice Too!

Today we welcome back one of the most popular series on gentlenibbles.com. It is the return of “swinger says what” that swingilicious segment in which readers submit their questions regarding swinging to be answered here on gentlenibbles.com.

Today’s question is a great one. It comes from the female half of a sexy newbie couple in an effort to answer some questions for her man. She brings up a great point.

The Internet is full of advice for women getting into swinging, as most commonly the ladies tend to think a little more about the rewards and consequences of the Lifestyle while the men just go where their penis leads them.

But what about those guys who do have some fear and trepidation about entering the Lifestyle?

This “Swinger Says What” is just for you. 

Here is the question.

We are slowly working our way into
the Lifestyle and your site has been indispensible as we talk our way
through the emotions and excitement we’re encountering along the way.

However, we have an unusual problem — Mrs. is the one taking the
lead, Mr. is the one who is more cautious.

The advice forums we find have plenty of advice addressing “her”
concerns, but we haven’t found a single article that really addresses
“his.” What is it like the first time you see your wife with another
man? What enjoyment do you get? What the heck is it really like to be
in a bed with another man?!

The fantasies are enticing but there is little info that addresses
swinging from a male perspective that doesn’t assume that the guy is
some version of a slobbering dog jerking at the chain to run rampant
through a kennel of woman-flesh.

Help us out here. The Mr. is certainly all man but that also means
he’s an adult with legitimate feelings as well as a healthy libido.

Thanks,
Gr8tLifeCpl

Let’s break down some of the more common fears and apprehensions expressed by gentlemen when first entering the Lifestyle.

1.) What is it like to see your wife with another man? How do I know I won’t get jealous? What do I do if I do get jealous?
 
Okay. Technically that is more than one question, but since they’re also closely related were going to address them together here. To describe what it feels like is somewhat of a trick question, as there are all kinds of possible reactions. These reactions range all the way from “Uber” jealous to intensely aroused. I, like most swingers, found myself somewhere in the middle when Ms. Gentlenibbles and I first started swinging. As time goes on, I have moved greatly in the direction of being extremely aroused by watching Ms. Gentlenibbles being pleased by another man.

Once a couple moves past jealousy and views their partner’s sexuality as a primal desire, it is unbelievably arousing to watch them pursue an orgasm via the use of a finger, a hand, a vibrator, a dildo, a man, a woman, a hot tub jet, or whatever object they so desire.

That brings us to the second half of the question,

“How do I know I won’t get jealous?”

And

“What do I do if I do get jealous?”

The simple answer is “you don’t” and “don’t.” While it is impossible to know exactly how you will react in a situation you have never been in before, they’re plenty of things you can and should do to make sure you’re ready.

Take your time! Many people misunderstand the Lifestyle as the destination, when in reality it’s the journey getting there that makes all the difference.

As a couple, really spend some time getting to know each other sexually on a completely open and honest level. If a couple enters the Lifestyle without first knowing each other thoroughly, it can be a recipe for some problems.

For example: If halfway through your first play session you look over to see your wife of seven years with whom you’ve only had missionary style sex, sitting on all fours screaming in ecstasy while her hair is being pulled and her anus is being penetrated, it may just rub you the wrong way.

While the above example is obviously extreme, make sure there are no secret desires or fantasies kept from your spouse. Guys, your wife should know about your entire porn collection, even the really naughty ones you keep in the back. Spend several nights a week talking about your fantasies, desires, and even your past experiences. This can be a really fun time in your relationship in which you can learn a lot about each other.

In the words of the late Mother Theresa “Masturbate, masturbate, and masturbate some more.”

If your spouse has never watched you masturbate, or vice versa, it’s about time. In swinging situations your spouse’s orgasms are not going to be under your control. Although it may sound silly, for many couples watching their spouse have an orgasm without being involved can be a little awkward. Mutual masturbation is a great way to move past this hurdle and also to help you begin to view your spouses raw sexuality as we spoke about above.

The last tip for handling jealousy is flirt, flirt, flirt. Go on date nights, dress sexy, and flirt with everybody you see. If at any point one of you begins to fill jealous, stop, talk about it, go back to step one above, and repeat.  Flirting can be key.  Believe it or not most guys do not get jealous from the actual sex, but more from the flirting and initmacy exchange that goes along with the act.

2.) What is it like being in a bed with another naked guy?

I can tell you this! Mrs. Gentlenibbles and I have been swinging for over two years and I’ve yet to meet another male swinger who has issues with this. If the thought of another naked penis prancing around the room is a deal breaker for you, I really do not know what to tell you because unfortunately swinging almost always involves another husband.

Fortunately, maybe we can get you a little more comfortable with the “two penis – one room” scenario.

Here are some facts: 

You are not gay if you see another penis.

You are not gay if you’re in close proximity to another penis.

You are not gay if you have a hard on while making love to a woman while another man’s hard penis is within shouting distance.

You are not gay if while having a hard-on you accidentally bump elbows with another man.

As a man entering the Lifestyle, I’ve found the associated activities no less traumatic on the homophobometer as my first entrance into the football locker room showers or climbing onto the wrestling mats.

To be honest, after a while I don’t even notice. If your fears stem from fear of being approached by a bisexual male, I can tell you that at least here in Texas, men in the Lifestyle are the same or even possibly more homophobic than men outside of the Lifestyle…… Don’t ask me why? You would think due to our lifestyle choices we would be much more tolerant than our vanilla counterparts.

This means there is little danger of rampant, uncontrolled man-on-man frolicking breaking out in your presence.

3.) In comparison to the other guys in the Lifestyle is my penis small? Big? Or just right?

Gaussian distribution allows me to state the following with 100% accuracy.  There will be some significantly bigger, and there will be some significantly smaller, and there will be many right about your size.

“In the Lifestyle your wife will experience penises of all shapes and sizes!”

Thanks to hours of pornography, I grew up under the firm impression that I had an average to slightly less than average sized penis. Since entering the Lifestyle I was pleased to find out I have a slightly above average penis size with the added bonus of slightly above average width.  (Notice the keen word of the use “slightly”)

That being said, we’ve met a few gentlemen that make me feel almost prepubescent.;-)

There is no need to have any apprehensions regarding exposing your manhood to the Lifestyle. You’ll find plenty of takers at whatever your size!

4.)  What if I can’t get it up?

Now many of you may chuckle and say “No Worries! Not a problem here.”  And you could be right, but….

If statistics have anything to do with it, it is very likely you may have a little trouble with this when you first start!  It is very common.  It has very little to do with your “manly”-ness and libido and a lot more to do with biology and the laws of physics.

If you are in a situation where you are extremely nervous a couple of things happen.  First, your body cares and responds less to butts, boobs, pubes, and other sexual stimuli.  Second, all the blood flow and breathing takes oxygenated blood away from the genitals which is the very thing making “Willy” stand tall.

Whats the point?  Relax if you find yourself having a little trouble.  Focus on your counterpart and pleasing her.  If it is meant to be, it will happen after the “shock and awe” expire, and if it is not meant to be, then chances are it is not the first time she has experienced this in the Lifestyle.

So guys, what can you expect? Well, if you are secure in your relationship and are moving forward in the Lifestyle for the right reasons you can absolutely expect a jaw-dropping, boner inducing, relationship intensifying night of a lifetime.

Gr8LifeCpl, we hope this helps!

~the nibblers