Top Ten Do’s and Don’ts for New Swingers

In the style of Letterman, with the coolness of Brad Pitt, the smoothness of Harry Connick Jr., and the spirit of Hugh Hefner we bring you the “Top Ten Do’s and Don’ts of New Swingers”

So without further delay…

1.) Do talk about all things “Swinging” long and hard!

If you have noticed anything from reading this blog, it is that our number one rule about anything to do with sex and the Lifestyle is COMMUNICATION!  No marriage has ever ended due to too much talking among the spouses, yet most fights and divorces involve a tremendous lack of communication.

Swinging is a really big deal!  It can bring some really great things to a marriage, but it can also bring a lot of stress and troubles if it is not very carefully and actively considered!  Before doing anything close to swinging, there should be a history of hours, days, weeks, and months conversing on the topic!

2.) Don’t CONVINCE one partner to try swinging!

Just to clarify, one side speaking to another side on any given topic is not discussing.  I have never met a successful couple in the Lifestyle where one partner had convinced the other.  There is nothing wrong with fantasizing about it, talking about it, or even suggesting it, but unless both parties are open to it nothing but trouble can follow!

There is a little Mexican restaurant that I like.  Their food, service, and facilities are horrible.  The only reason I like going there, is because as a kid it was one of the few places my parents could afford.  On the rare occasion we went out to eat, it was very often to this restaurant.  As I grew up I equated those special occasions to this place and thus I crave it occasionally. 

The point is this!

No matter what I do to CONVINCE Mrs. Gentlenibbles to come with me to this place it will not make her enjoy eating there!

3.) Do take your own vehicle when first getting to know other couples!

It can be an absolutely huge mistake to jump in and share a car to the club with that really hot couple you just had dinner with!  Until you know a couple, and by “know” I mean have spent significant time with them while being naked, it is unwise to put your escape route in their hands!

On more than one occasion we have found ourselves with a smoking hot couple that seemed like the best thing to hit the Lifestyle since flavored condoms only to find ourselves knee deep in drama by the time the first panties were pulled aside.  In those situations it was a very good thing that we had our car, our keys, and our clothes!

4.) Don’t depend on someone else to bring protection.

In general most couples we know are really good about making sure there are plenty of condoms around once the underwear start flying, but forgetting to bring your own can set up for some disappointing and possibly embarrassing outcomes.

Mrs. Gentlenibbles and I have accidentally forgot these on a couple of times, and were fortunate enough to be playing with couples who had some.  Even though having to ask mid-session was a little awkward, we were lucky that had some or it could have been a much less passionate night!

5.) Do consider having a few drinks at the club to loosen up.

There is nothing wrong with having a few drinks at the club to help loosen up.  There is a reason that alcohol has been served at bars, pubs, and social gatherings since the very first prehistoric Margarita or Mimosa was introduced by our cavemen ancestors.  That reason is because it generally makes us a much more social creatures while relaxing our cares and worries away.

I can tell you this!  Your first time to a club you are going to be nervous, it is unavoidable, but a few drinks can help take some of that apprehension away and go along way to towards getting you out of your seat and mingling with all the rest of the hotties!

6.) Don’t drink too much!

Don’t take “Do #5″too far!  One of the absolute biggest mistakes a new couple, or any couple, can make is drinking too much at the club.  Drinking too much will at the very least cut a fun night way to short forcing an early retirement from the party.  Worse, it can make you as a couple conjure up some very bad decisions!

More than one spousal disagreement has started when one member of the couple is trying to keep a drunk spouse in check!  It is amazing how much more difficult these scenarios become when that spouse is not only drunk, but naked, and horny!

7.) Do flirt unabashedly with all you see at the club!

One of our favorite “perks” of the Lifestyle is the flirting!  While at the club it is perfectly acceptable and even expected to flirt with anyone you see!  I love winking at a beautiful woman I don’t know as she walks by or stopping her to tell just how great she looks.

Ladies, Mrs. Gentlenibbles enjoys this atmosphere because she loves being flirted with and complimented.  As beautiful as she is, hearing it openly from someone other than me after fifteen years has given her new found confidence and boosted her sexual drive!

8.) Don’t assume that touching, feeling, or squeezing, anything without permission is ok!

Yes, flirt all you want, but until you get to know a couple it is a complete mistake to assume that you can touch a woman in the club without permission.  One of the biggest mistakes we see made by new couples are husbands that are way overaggressive! 

Trust me, if you are laying your hands all over anyone you will find yourself quickly ignored by all the couples and most likey confronted by some upset husbands and club owners!  While the husbands will handle it however their personality dictates, you can be assured that the Club Owners will most likely kick you out of the club and if it is bad enough they may ban you from coming back!

9.) Do put in place a set of understood rules as a couple before playing with another couple.

Long before the first skirt is lifted and condom unwrapped you, as a couple, should have a very well understood set of rules that you are going to adhere to while playing.  These rules can be as extensive or as loose as you would like them to be as long as you both are aware and understand them.

Even if the sum total of your rules consist of,

 ”Anything goes, but sex with animals, blenders, or sewing machines!”

it is still a good idea for both of you to have talked about it and agreed to it!  Understanding your boundaries ahead of time cuts down on jealous reactions and emotional hurt caused by making sexual decisions on the fly!  No one says these rules can’t change over time.  As you progress in the Lifestyle, simply discuss and adjust as you feel comfortable.

10.) Don’t adjust your playtime rules on the fly!

It is usually a very bad idea to start discussing expanding your play boundaries while at a club or worse, right before or during play!  Once the beer is flowing and the bras are popping the temptation to go a little further will be much stronger and your willpower will be much less.  Unfortunately that will not make the regret any shallower the next morning.

More than one couple that were “soft swap” going into a hotel room found themselves “full swap” on the way out!  The reason this can cause trouble is it breaks the number one rule “Communicate“!  Chances are if you are making this decision in a hurry or with other people in the room you are not talking about it enough. 

It is so unfair to expect your spouse to give you an honest answer when asking them in a room with another couple “Hey, do you want to go full swap?”  You now have put them in the position of saying “yes” or being the bad guy!

So there you have it!  Use these guidelines as you start your journey down this road and you should find the trip a little more comfortable, a lot more exciting, and with one hell of a view!

~Mr. Gentlenibbles