Swinger Says What – Is it normal to think that way?

Today, we are answering a question by a reader who is considering entering the lifestyle with her fiance’, but is having some reservations about seeing her man with another woman.  Here is the e-mail:

My fiance and I have been togther 1yr 7mo.  He’s mentioned swinging, and now for the first time in my
life, I’m thinking about it.

I just wonder if there have ever been any other women who have
wondered if they can deal with their guy’s penis in another woman.

Is it normal to think that way?

 
A simple answer to this question would be yes, it is normal to think that way. 

The first experience that Mr. G and I had, we were not officially in the lifestyle, and it took me by surprise.  I spent many days pondering what had happened and felt guilty.  I did have some feelings of jealousy because he had been with another woman, and then there were the thoughts of safe sex…what if she ends up pregnant? 

These are all prime examples of why communication is so important if you are going to venture into the lifestyle.

The first thing you need to decide is whether or not your relationship is strong enough to handle it.  Being together only one year and seven months is not a long time.  You may still be getting to know each other sexually and personally.  It is a decision for the two of you to make together.  Sometimes, you may find yourself in difficult situations, and you need to be able to read each other, sometimes without being able to communicate verbally because you are around other people.

I would definitely suggest starting out slow.  Maybe go to a club and observe other people.  I am not saying you cannot talk with and meet other people, but make an agreement with each other that you are not going to play with anyone.  The atmosphere of swinger clubs is not like any other vanilla club. Just being around fun, sexy people  having a good time, and maybe showing a little more skin that you are used to, will more than likely lead to a great night of sex between you two.  There is no written rule that you have to play or get involved with people if you go to a club.

Clubs are also a great option (as opposed to meeting a couple one-on-one) because you don’t have the pressure of feeling like you have to sleep with them or they will never talk to you again.  If you are uncomfortable at the club, you can walk out the door, get in your car and leave, no questions asked.

Another thing to think about is the different aspects of swinging.  If you don’t think you can handle seeing your man’s penis in another woman, you can agree to only “soft swap.”  Soft swap is basically oral sex only.  Voyerism may also be what pleases you both the most – just watching other people.  Plenty of couples play with their spouse only, but in front of other couples.  Or maybe, threesomes would be an option to experiment with. 

If you both have the desire and agree on your own “rules,” whatever they may be, you could begin your sexual adventure as a couple.  If you haven’t already, take some time and read a few of the articles on our site.  We have had some great authors who have shared details of their personal experiences. 

Above all, remember that you are committed to each other, and at the end of the night, you can go home and have great sex with each other, just as you have been for the past year and seven months.

I hope this answers your question.  Good luck and please write to us and keep us posted on your adventures!!

~ Mrs. Gentlenibbles