Observe. Report. Act.

Recent conversations with other couples in the lifestyle have entrigued us with a new concept. . . Observe, Report, Act. Many couples may be curious or interested about the lifestyle, but just like all of us, do not know what to expect. Of course, our blog is meant to provide as much information as possible to new swingers and many of our articles offer advice on how to talk to your spouse about your thoughts on entering the lifestyle, do’s and don’ts while in the lifestyle and experiences in the lifestyle, but how did we all get there?

A few couples we have talked to recently started out slowly in the lifestyle by first hanging out with other lifestylers, but not necessarily playing or fully participating in activities to ensure that the lifestyle was what they were actually looking for and to know what they were getting into. Part of setting boundaries and rules is communcating each others desires and fantasies when you talk about the lifestyle, but what if you do not know what kinds of things to expect?

Observe.

If you are comfortable as a couple and get up the courage, attend a swinger event with the only expectation of going home with each other at the end of the night having had a good time and meeting some new people. For this first step, you might want to set very strict boundaries for each other until you, as a couple, figure out what is going to work for you.

Use this time to inconspicuously observe other couples. Not just sexual activities, but also socially. We enjoy hanging out and meeting new people and that is what a lot of the lifestyle is about. We have probably said this a hundred times on this site, but swingers are normal people, too. You may or may not see some nudity or people kissing, but it will give you something to talk about later!

Don’t be over paranoid. Just because you are at a club or party with a room full of swingers does not mean that everyone wants to have sex with you. The majority of people in the lifestyle are very curteous and polite, especially if you communicate the fact that you are new to the lifestyle.

Experiment with different situations and settings. Maybe the club scene is not for you. Meeting a couple for dinner is another viable option. Maybe the one-on-one, or in this case, the two-on-two interaction better suits you as a couple. Meet and Greets are great, too, because everyone is meeting a lot of new people. You may or may not click with another couple, but at the end of the night, you have not lost anything. . . you are going home together to talk about the sexy lady taking her top off on the dance floor while you have great sex with each other!

Report.

Afterwards, talk with each other about what you liked or did not like. Did the woman taking her top off on the dance floor offend you or did it turn you on? Talk about the types of people you were attracted to or totally not attracted to. Is your wife attracted to other women or other men? Did either of you pick up on any conversations or actions that made you uncomfortable? Always remember that you do not have to do anything you do not want to do…just because you are in the lifestyle, you do not owe sex acts to anyone!

Use this information to make decisions on what boundaries and rules you will set. This is where a couple decides if full swap or soft swap is for them. Of course, these decisions are not set in stone. They can change, but you definitely want to play it safe at first rather than going too far and causing friction between the two of you.

Act.

There is one more important piece to the puzzle, and that is act. Observing and reporting does not do any good if you don’t act. I don’t mean you have to have sex with other people. If you as a couple spend time observing and reporting and put the information to good use and set boundaries and rules, abide by those rules. Learn from your mistakes and talk about them and tweak your rules if needed.

This three step process has no set amount of time. Use it over and over again until you are comfortable with moving forward in your sexual adventure.

If you and your spouse are venturing into the lifestyle and using these tactics, leave us a note below. Let us know if it is working for you. What have you learned?

Happy Swinging. . .
Mrs. Gentlenibbles