Swingers Says What? – The Separate Room Dilemma

This week our sexy friends “The Wildcardz” are answering a question we have received from one of our readers.

The question is:

My boyfriend and I are thinking
about trying the swinger lifestyle. I think that I can do this but
there is this other thing that he wants as well and I’m not sure that
I agree with it.

I wanted to compromise and only do these things with
other couples and do them together but he says that he wants to
sometimes do them alone with other girls and that I can do it alone
with other guys but of course I will have to agree with his girl that
he chose and he will have to agree with my guy.

I just don’t understand, if he points out a girl that he likes and asks me if he
can have sex with her then why would he have to do it without me being
there? This is something that kind of gets to me a little bit. He says
it’s about trust and knowing that he’ll always be coming home to me,

I’ll always know where he is, he’ll always tell me first, and if I
need anything he’ll drop whatever he’s doing and come right home. What
are your thoughts on this?

Hello and Welcome to the Lifestyle,
We asked the Nibblers if we could answer this question because when we first started in the lifestyle we had a situation that closely relates to what you are talking about.

If you were to read all of the websites, including this one, geared towards Newbies in the lifestyle you will see they all have the same message “Take Things Slowly! And Communicate with your partner.”

In your case it seems like you guys are communicating however you haven’t even found a couple (or single) to play with and you are already considering advanced swinger techniques which isn’t taking things slowly.  No worries we made the same mistake.  In fact we went further and acted on it and we’ll be the first to admit it didn’t go well. 

When we joined the lifestyle we didn’t know about websites like Gentle Nibbles.  We were just having fun with friends.  Sure we talked and fantasized about the scenarios we had been in and those that we wanted to try next time we saw our friends but we (meaning all four people involved) didn’t communicate our concerns and feelings.   In the end we jumped into a full swap separate room play situation and it went very badly.  Lots of Drama ensued. 

Now, almost three years later, the other couple has gotten divorced.  We took a few steps back and realized that we were fine with everything that had happened and actually REALLY enjoyed ourselves however we vowed to take things MUCH slower.  And we have.  Yes, we have found couples in the lifestyle that we have done separate room play with but it  takes a while for us to get to know and trust the couple enough to be comfortable doing so.  Again we take things slowly and discuss everything. 

In regards to your situation we recommend talking to your boyfriend.  Explain that you need to take things slowly; That you are very interested in the lifestyle but want to try playing in the same room with another couple first.  See how that goes and talk about EVERYTHING.  Don’t say that you will never want to play with another couple or single in separate rooms but that you will need to work up to that.  Take baby steps.  You’d be amazed at how far you’ll travel when you take your time.  Trying the run may cause you to miss a step and have to go back. 

Above all Communicate and Have Fun!

The Wildcardz
wildcardz@gentlenibbles.com