Swinger Says What – Whats A Girl to Do?
Today’s question comes from a young female with a unexpected problem.
Read on.
Im a 23 year old woman (actively bi-sexual for the past 6 years) who was introduced to swinging by a former partner and would like to continue in the lifestyle as a single. Trouble is, Im getting the feeling that a lot of the couples I’m interested in meeting and playing with have the attitude that, as a
younger single woman, I must want something more than just fun, friendship and good sex. Nothing could be further from the truth and I
cant see what I’m doing that might give anyone that impression. As an artist (painter and sculptor) I enjoy the ability to express myself
sexually in all the different combinations swinging makes possible.However, I want to be able to do that as a single.
Can you offer any advise or suggestions as to what I might be doing wrong or how I should approach people to let them know that Im not
after anything more than fun and friendship?xxxooo
J
“J”
I just checked with Mrs. G and we are absolutely fine with your 23 year old sexy self!!! Lol
But me hitting on you was unfortunately not the reason you wrote, so on with the advice.
Believe it or not the problem has nothing to do with you, but instead lies with the couples you are flirting with. If a couple has a secure relationship they most likely have little concerns with your motivations and instead are interested in your personality, compatibility, and the color of your panties! 
Don’t be afraid to be picky! If a couple has any problem with you, move to the next couple on the dance card. Any young sexy woman in the lifestyle is going to have plenty of spots left on that card!
If against all statistical swinging odds you have trouble filling that dance card, book a trip to Houston and come say hi!
Good luck!
Mr . G
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I disagree with Mr. G. in his advice. A couple already know what they want in life because they have it in their relationship already. I am quite a bit older than my very stunning russian girlfriend and lots of single females hit on her. She has fun with it but if that female shows little tact in interacting with me or vice versa she is quickly shoved out. Being a single female you need to understand you are the third wheel. Usually it is due to the single’s attention latching onto either the male or the female and forgetting that they have a partner. Lovers are very attuned to this and are not going to have their lover be “forgotten” or ignored. You are going to be the one ignored when your approach is skewed to one or the other. Always, and I stress always get to know both people that constitute that couple. If you are attracted mostly to one of them you better have the consent and approbation of the other or you will not get anywhere. Remember you are entering into the balance of their relationship not the other way around. The addition of a single female to the mix is great if there is balance, but if you go in with your own agenda you will surely get cast out. The union of that relationship is always stronger than the addition of one.
My suggestion is that you focus your “getting to know you” on the wife/female of the couple, once you have determined they are someone you might be interested in playing with. Generally it is the women that thumbs up/down on the unicorns, and its a delicate balance. We have had lots of single gf’s over the 12 years we have been swinging together,and the ones we have enjoyed the most (and for the longest periods of time) are ones that I have become pretty good friends with. Good times! (PS – where did you say you were again? LOL)
Brett,
I appreciate your argument and disagreement, but don’t read the same thing in her letter.
Nothing makes me think she “skewing” her attentions. I read it as much as couples not even really considering her because of her age. My point being that in the Lifestyle, unless you live in the North Pole or other deserted geography, a single female need not take time to convince couples why they should play with her. A unicorn always has tons of choices and rarely do play sessions go well when one of the teams had to make the cut in tryouts…
You do however bring up a very true scenario that is seen in the Lifestyle alot. I appreciate your comments and would love to hear more about how as a couple you have dealt with this.
Mr. G
Christina,
Thanks so much for the awesome “female perspective” of the situation. Mrs. G and I really don’t have much experience with single women especially anything more than a single play session here or there. (Not form the lack of trying! lol )
Mr. G
I would venture to bet that her attentions are skewing one way or another. One question I would like to know from the original writer is which one of the couple is “thumbs downing” her? If a unicorn makes the proper approach, and is engaging both the male and female of the couple she is interested in, it will work out just fine every time. The only reason a unicorn would get “dismissed” is because one or the other does not feel comfortable with her. It’s been my experience it’s due to being overly aggressive or skewing of attention to one or the other of the couple. There are things called tact, manners, proper engagement, and generally being a compliment for a couple instead of forcing your way in as a third wheel. I’ve told plenty of singles to hit the road when they do not follow some proper decorum. But to help the original writer: When you meet a male or female of a couple always immediately ask to meet their lover and partner. ALWAYS, AND IMMEDIATELY, being the key words. Engage both partners. Let them then engage you and let you know what they are interested in. If you come in with an “agenda” and it doesn’t necessarily match theirs you will summarily get bounced. Remember their bond has been forged over time, you are now a stranger coming into that bond. You at first are a compliment to that bond, not a substitute. As time goes on your bond if you continue to be with this couple will become part of the whole, but at first it is not. Engage the couple not one of the couple and then let the couple engage you.